I wrote this post about a little over a week ago just to have an outlet to talk about what I was feeling. Now looking back at it for the first time in over a week, I feel the need to publish it. There is something beautiful about the pain and emotions we feel at a certain time in life, and how we can work through them and grow.
I am going to take the five minutes that I don't really have a write it. Not that it will be published, I just need to get my feelings down on paper.
Life can be scary and half of the time just plain annoying. I feel like on this space of mine, the only things that are talked about are happy things. That places, people, and food that make me enjoy my life. That is all great of course, except for the fact that life is not always sunshine.
Like now for instance.
Going back and forth to doctors for breast issues not something that I would ever call the sunshine in my life. The prodding sticking, injecting, waiting, and doing that whole process over again seems like it is getting the best of me.
Now don't get me wrong. I feel so happy that every test has come back negative and it seems like there is nothing wrong with me. Today as I went to the doctor, I just figured it was over with. I figured she was going to say that everything checked out normal and your body is just playing tricks on you.
Well, come to find out that I have to have another test that includes sticking a needle in that area where needles shouldn't go and waiting for yet another pathology result to make sure there are no cancerous cells definitely put another cloud over my reappearing sunshine.
Why do I need to do this test? I feel as if it is just another test that is going to say the same thing as all the others, negative. Maybe it is just my fear that is getting the best of me and I want to get this all behind me. I am trying to tell myself that after this is over with, hopefully it will reveal that there is nothing wrong and I can move on.
I hope this was for someone, somewhere out there. It is okay to not be okay sometimes. You don't always have to have it together and life can and will be messy. But time goes on and it will get better.