closing a chapter...

There is a time for everything, 

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 
He has also set eternity in the human heart; 
yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11

I know I have never thought about a blog post more. What it would consist of, how to write it, and how to make my feelings and emotions come through black and white letters. My life is in a different place. A good place; one that took me a while to find. A place where I am now by myself, searching for who I want to be, who I want to become, and what I want my life to reflect. 

This past month has been a complete eye opener in many ways. There have been many tall and adrenaline filled hills and dark gloomy valleys that I have faced. There are many times I asked why God was doing what He was doing, and told myself I would never understand where He was taking me. But through this past month, digging down into the deepest depths of my heart, I found trust, peace, and hope; more so than I ever have in my entire life. Trust that God knows what he has done and will do. That my life is hand formed, just for me. Trust that I am fear-fully and wonderfully made and that I deserve the life and the person that he has in store for me because I know it is going to be amazing. Acceptance is a strange subject; one I haven't had to deal much with. But I have accepted that with my entire being, I am His, and anyone who will be in my life will have to start there first; that gives me the peace that pulls me from my sinking thoughts and wandering mind. Blanketing peace that overcomes the questions, doubts, and stumbling moments that cloud my everyday life. If you're anything like me, you have a plan. A plan for you life and where you want it to go and where you think it will end up. I have a peace that my plan is not good enough, and even when I think my plan is perfect and the best one I could ever imagine, He has a better one. Through trust and peace, I have found hope. Hope that my future is bright. Even though I thought it was bright before, I know it can be brighter. And I can see it already.

What I have been given, can never be appreciated enough. Blessings upon blessings pour into my life everyday. And even when you think you hit rock bottom, there is still so much to be thankful for. I am thankful for my unconditionally loving family, blood and extended, that have been there for me. The amazing friends in my life that have shown what it means to care, I can never thank enough. From the school I go to, to the job I have, to the roof over my head; I could go on and on.

For the first time in a long time, I have had to focus on myself and no one else. I have learned that there is no greater confidence than the kind that comes inside yourself from your thoughts and actions. Confidence knowing that you did the right thing can only come from you. And when I realized that my confidence is self-fulfilling and not coming from other people or places, I felt whole again. Focusing on myself has also taught me that I can do whatever I put my mind to because I have been enabled through His power. This is my life and what will come of it has yet to be seen, but I know if I am focused on the one who gave me life, my doubts, worries, and fears will vanish, and I will be given the life and person I am meant to have. I definitely do not have it all figured out yet, and I probably never will, but I am finding that I do not need to know everything right now. Days come and days go, and every day is a precious one. Finding myself this past month has been harder than I ever thought. But as these days do come and go, it has been one of the most rewarding feelings.

I thought I had lost a lot; but I have gained much more.

I write all this to say, my life has changed course. My time is fleeting and I just do not have the time to devote to this little space I have called mine for the past year and a half. With being almost half way through nursing school and being pulled in different directions, I will no longer be actively writing on Blank Pages. I never thought in a million years that my life would be where it is today, but I am closing this chapter of my life and starting a new one. One that is exciting and adventurous and fully led by my dependence on Him. Thank you all so much for your support, this has been a great little adventure and I wish you all the very best of luck in your lives. I have so enjoyed getting to know you and following you; you kept me grounded. Although I am sad to say goodbye, more doors are opening and who knows, maybe I'll see you around in the future!

My instagram is now private, but please feel free to request to follow me at @amyjpalmer! Also, HERE is my last fashion article for The You Are Project.

Blog world, you've been good to me.