ramblings

shirt: F21 skirt: Kohl's earrings: gift belt: F21 bracelets: F21 watch: Fossil (brown band) shoes: Target

This might seem like a bunch of ramblings, and I am here to tell you that it is. With this year first year of college ending, I feel like my future is uncertain.

I am moving back into my parents house in nine days. Into my old room, back into familiar surroundings that I have always known. I love my family and the home I was raised in, but after living for a year on my own, I am unsure of how the transition is going to go.

Jared and I have had basically our own separate lives for a year. With him in Virginia for the fall and now in Sarasota this spring, we have grown to be okay with being apart. Now that I am moving back, I fear that the lives that we have made separately will not match up the way they used to.

I always said that after I met Jared, nineteen would be the earliest I would be engaged. I have been ready for some time to start our lives together, as young as I may be, and as soon as nineteen came and is half way gone, I am slowly learning that my plans are not always the ones God has for me. I cannot control everything as much as I would like to. Taking the backseat is not my strong point, and I don't know if it ever will be.

My nursing student aspirations are up in the air. I don't know where I'll end up or if I am taking all the precautions that I need to in order to hasten my career. Jumping through hoops is putting it lightly for all that is needed to be done to become a nurse, and I hope that one day, someday soon, I will get there.

I feel like if I want something done, I have to do it myself. My reliance upon others is small, and sometimes I wish I was as optimistic about others as some people are. It's not that I am pessimistic, I feel I am just a realist. I focus on fact and actuality of situations; never wanting to come across as naive or vulnerable. The only problem is that I am not sure this is a good thing.

Saying the right thing at the right time has never been a gift of mine. My mouth will think before my brain and sometimes I don't even have much to say at all. I wish the words that I said would always reflect what I truly meant, and when I do say things, they would only build people up.

That's only a little of what been rolling around my mind lately; thanks for letting me vent.

I leave you with this and I hope it speaks to someone the way it did to me:

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